were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
