i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
