I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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