At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
