I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
