the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
