Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
