I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
