I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
