No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i barfeds in our rink
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
