sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
