Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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