I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
