need another drink. this is the easiest way
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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