Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
