Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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