oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
that's an acceptable place to lick
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can I color on your dick again?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
