I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
