dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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