Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
