oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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