No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
