"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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