Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
