Whod you bang
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
