there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We named our party play list daddy issues
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
