OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
