at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A bitchslap is in order.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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