Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
