A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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