btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
