Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
