new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
