You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
