I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
