don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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