Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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