Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
