i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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