my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I look better un-naked...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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