I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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