Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
