the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
