Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it penis luge time yet?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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