Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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