My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
