I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
