haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
