I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
