i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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