Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
