I wish I could teleport
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
