Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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