happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
