I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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