Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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