ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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